I feel as if I can't tell anyone this story without being critiqued, corrected, or misunderstood... so I'll just put it here as a way to try to process it.
I think about this day, Tuesday, April 25, 2017, almost daily.
The day started off somewhat normal. I went to work. I had been having chest pains for a week or two. Stabbing pains that felt like an underwire was poking hard into my chest at all times, as well as feeling like I was tied up in a corset constantly. It was strange, but I just kept thinking it would go away. Right before my lunch break it was really bad. I told my coworkers I was going to the doctor for my lunch break.
The doctor sent me to the ER where my mom dropped everything in the middle of a lunch out to meet me. They hooked me up to EKGs and I laid in the hospital bed in our room waiting for doctors to come in.
I was talking with my mom and I actually giggled at something... then something happened.
Right as I relaxed my mouth my mouth from my smile, everything snapped. I remember, out of nowhere, I suddenly couldn't control my eyes. I felt them roll backwards. My head and body felt so heavy, and melted into the warm bed. I was disoriented, confused, and completely helpless. I just remember looking at the curtains and the walls and everything rippled with waves. The room kept getting brighter and brighter.
And strangely enough, It was absolutely perfect. A weird happiness, contentment, peaceful joy as I laid there unable to move my body, talk, or control my eyes. It was nothing I have ever felt or experienced, even in my happiest moments ever. I heard my mom say, "Bri, what's happening?" A voice inside me (it was my voice, but not the one giving the words if that makes sense) told me clear as day, "Hold on. This is going to hurt." Yet, even hearing that changed nothing... still just calm and happiness.
Next, I heard my mom yelling and running to the door for the nurses. I heard them come in and give me medicine. I heard her saying, "Jesus, Jesus, please help".
I didn't even care that chaos was going on around me, nothing mattered, it was so peaceful. It was a euphoric type of feeling... sheer, perfect, bliss.
Then, I snapped out of it. Sudden fear and realization. Suddenly the words "this is going to hurt" registered and I thought I was about to feel some sort of heart attack or other related issue type of pain. Then I got scared and caught my breath as if I had just come out of water.
Back to normal. No more delusion, happy feeling, etc... I just laid there still and wondered, "what was that?" I couldn't process it. I couldn't name it. I just laid still, quiet, with most likely a "deer in the headlights" look on my face.
I asked my mom, "what happened, what was that?" She told me after we were laughing she glanced at the machine, and my blood pressure number dropped to zero. That's what was happening when I started "slipping out of it".
I researched it a lot. Some experts say your blood pressure can't reach zero and you live. Some say your blood pressure can reach zero for a few minutes but you need immediate procedures performed to restore it. Some say it's anaphylactic shock and a stab with the right drugs will knock it out. If the blood pressure reaches zero that means the heart stops beating or is in fibrillation.
The doctors said it was a technical error. I was diagnosed with costochondritis and pericarditis, which are extremely painful infections in the heart sac, lung, etc.
I'm still confused. I don't know what that was. I don't believe I ever will. But sometimes I wonder if that joy is what heaven is going to be like.
I think about this day, Tuesday, April 25, 2017, almost daily.
The day started off somewhat normal. I went to work. I had been having chest pains for a week or two. Stabbing pains that felt like an underwire was poking hard into my chest at all times, as well as feeling like I was tied up in a corset constantly. It was strange, but I just kept thinking it would go away. Right before my lunch break it was really bad. I told my coworkers I was going to the doctor for my lunch break.
The doctor sent me to the ER where my mom dropped everything in the middle of a lunch out to meet me. They hooked me up to EKGs and I laid in the hospital bed in our room waiting for doctors to come in.
I was talking with my mom and I actually giggled at something... then something happened.
Right as I relaxed my mouth my mouth from my smile, everything snapped. I remember, out of nowhere, I suddenly couldn't control my eyes. I felt them roll backwards. My head and body felt so heavy, and melted into the warm bed. I was disoriented, confused, and completely helpless. I just remember looking at the curtains and the walls and everything rippled with waves. The room kept getting brighter and brighter.
And strangely enough, It was absolutely perfect. A weird happiness, contentment, peaceful joy as I laid there unable to move my body, talk, or control my eyes. It was nothing I have ever felt or experienced, even in my happiest moments ever. I heard my mom say, "Bri, what's happening?" A voice inside me (it was my voice, but not the one giving the words if that makes sense) told me clear as day, "Hold on. This is going to hurt." Yet, even hearing that changed nothing... still just calm and happiness.
Next, I heard my mom yelling and running to the door for the nurses. I heard them come in and give me medicine. I heard her saying, "Jesus, Jesus, please help".
I didn't even care that chaos was going on around me, nothing mattered, it was so peaceful. It was a euphoric type of feeling... sheer, perfect, bliss.
Then, I snapped out of it. Sudden fear and realization. Suddenly the words "this is going to hurt" registered and I thought I was about to feel some sort of heart attack or other related issue type of pain. Then I got scared and caught my breath as if I had just come out of water.
Back to normal. No more delusion, happy feeling, etc... I just laid there still and wondered, "what was that?" I couldn't process it. I couldn't name it. I just laid still, quiet, with most likely a "deer in the headlights" look on my face.
I asked my mom, "what happened, what was that?" She told me after we were laughing she glanced at the machine, and my blood pressure number dropped to zero. That's what was happening when I started "slipping out of it".
I researched it a lot. Some experts say your blood pressure can't reach zero and you live. Some say your blood pressure can reach zero for a few minutes but you need immediate procedures performed to restore it. Some say it's anaphylactic shock and a stab with the right drugs will knock it out. If the blood pressure reaches zero that means the heart stops beating or is in fibrillation.
The doctors said it was a technical error. I was diagnosed with costochondritis and pericarditis, which are extremely painful infections in the heart sac, lung, etc.
I'm still confused. I don't know what that was. I don't believe I ever will. But sometimes I wonder if that joy is what heaven is going to be like.
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